The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
