dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Redeem this text for a blowjob
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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