i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
