Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
