Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
