A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
