I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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