lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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