hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
