some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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