Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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