I'm jealous of your bromance
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
birth control should be required to get into college
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
