we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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