cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
