Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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