May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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