I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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