I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
