so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize