My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize