hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
