Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
