So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
