I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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