The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
