Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
