I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize