apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When are your genitals available?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
