also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize