im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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