Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
