I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Shame is for Republicans.
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