Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
