nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
