I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
