My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
