I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
