I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
