The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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