I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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