So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
