Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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