Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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