I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
