It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
