Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
