Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
