Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
