I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
