do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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