Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They took my balls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
