I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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