oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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