i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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