I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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