remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize