I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
