I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
