Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
