I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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