I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
