smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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