You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
