im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
