Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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