You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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