this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
