i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
