The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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