She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
