By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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