totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize